Saturday was June’s birthday. It was also the first time in a while i could sleep as long as I wanted. Kenneths bed is probably the worst I’ve ever slept in, but it didn’t matter then.

Things were great at the party. Me, Pernille and Kenneth got together to buy the present. She liked it. I had it out for Pernille. I want that girl. Spent most the night kissing her. Then she left early, and i was pissed of. I’ve been dancing around her pouring my heart out for months now, and every time i get close she leaves. Mia wanted me to crash at her place. I’m reasonably confident she wanted to have sex with me. I’m not having any of that. She’s a nice girl, but I have to maintain a minimum of standards here. I would probably get crushed under the sheer weight of that chick too.

Kenneth told me he was going to hit the bars, and left. I thought nothing of it at the time, but it was just an excuse to go home and sleep. He can be weird like that. Hell, he didn’t bother washing clothes when I did it friday, so I had to gear him up. I don’t blame him, last week new achievements for Team Fortress came out, and this was the first chance we had to play it. He borrowed a short sleeved shirt, white – and a black and white striped tie, lines going at a 45 degree angle. A thin tie. Looked awesome, and i kinda regretted I didn’t wear it myself. Still, i never really cared much for these things, but I wanted to get laid that night.

June’s been pretty upset with her boyfriend. He’s a good friend of mine, but he’s a worthless, jobless bum. She’s supporting the both of them while taking classes full time. It’s a shame, that girl deserved better. We like each other, she’s like the older sister I never had and always needed. She pulled me out in the hallway and suggested we left everything and everyone behind and just traveled the world. Neither of us have any money, she supports her deadbeat boyfriend, and I party too much.

She’s usually the sensible one, but she seemed sincere. I don’t know if she’s was jealous. I can’t figure out if she wants to be with me as lovers, or as friends. But it might have triggered something in her seeing me with my tongue buried in another girls mouth all night. She went to bed at around 3 in the morning, and left me with the party. Mia was still trying to talk me up. I was pretty drunk, and a month ago I might just have taken her up on the offer. It would just have screwed too much up for me that weekend.

The recap being, the girl I wanted left me hanging with my dick in my hand, the girl I didn’t want wouldn’t stop trying to persuade me to take her home, and my best female friend wanted to take me across the world. I’ve received absolutely zero interest from girls in months, and then one night three of them is suddenly all over me. When it rains it pours.

I shrugged it off and continued drinking. June’s boyfriend is a nice guy, and we had fun with some of the other guests. I wound up hitting bars at 7 with the last two people at the party. I went home at 9, got 1,5 hours of sleep before I was picked up by my mom’s husband and a friend of the family at 11. I was spent. We stopped at a gas station, i bought a freaking milk and enjoyed every drop of it.

Managed to catch a few hours of sleep on my moms couch, before I got up and had a shower. My mom had people coming over and we had a barbeque. It was great. I borrowed the car with the promise to bring it back in the morning, so they could have wine without worrying about having to drive me home. I was in no mood to drink that day anyway.

My sister and I drove home pretty early. She went to bed early, she always does. I stayed up and a crazy idea hit me. I was getting pretty upset at Pernille for walking out on me last night, and then she had the nerve to write sweet nothings all day.

I told her I had done every reasonable thing these pasts months to show her I’m serious about it, and still she’s holding back. I was getting quite upset about it. I didn’t give her a literal ultimatum, but i strongly encouraged her to come have an adventure with me. I was going to drive up there, and we where going to watch the sun set. She was reluctant, she had promised a friend of hers to have a girls night out, and she didn’t want to disappoint her. She suggested that we bring her along for the ride. I was having none of that. After a bit of persuasion I thought fuck it. I’m going to drive up there, and if this fails, everything will. I figured it was just crazy enough to work. Who dares wins and all that.

Finally she agreed, and I jumped in the car with a fresh copy of Google Earth (No GPS in this car), John Mayer’s Where the Light is Live CD, and a great sense of freedom. The roads were empty, the sun had set hours before, and the sky was clear and lined with stars. There was some moonlight, but it was still very much dark. I never imagined how soothing it could be driving alone at night, fast – knowing you’re the only one true alive in this moment. I had to go see about a girl, and the world was my playground.

It should have taken an hour and a half getting there. It took an hour, and I had stopped to smoke. I wasn’t reckless, but I was quick.

I have only been to her city once before, and back then i took the train in, and was guided there on foot. I had no idea how to get anywhere near her. I was supposed to pick her up at a bar, but when i got the the edge of the city and called her – no answer.

I thought ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’.

I kept driving further in to the city, not wanting to turn around just yet. She might just be on the toilet.

After a few minutes more i pull up on a store’s parking lot and call her again. To my great surprise she was relieved, and told me she was just around the block. She’d come get me.

Karma might have played a role in my ability to park the car within 2 minutes of the bar i was supposed to go to. What are the odds?

We went to the bar, which was closing – ten minutes later we got kicked out. Her friend, a lesbian was quite a character. I can see why she parties with her. She wasn’t too happy about me stealing away her friend, but I think she understands.

As soon as we dropped her of, Pernille asked me to come home with her. Score.

We spent the night together, and I drove home with the sun coming up behind me. Having slept only 5 hours since friday I was in no condition to drive, but I hadn’t really told anybody about my nightly roadtrip so I had to get my ass home before they woke up. My dad was working the nightshift, security guard. I prayed i made it home before him, so I wouldn’t have to explain the situation. I got home 10 minutes AFTER him. He was just checking the computer and on his way to bed when i walked in. I just told him the story, and he just laughed and patted me on the shoulder.’ You’re my son alright’. He went to bed, I stayed up for a little, opening up my laptop, hoping Andreas or June was still up to hear about my trip. They weren’t. I went to bed, and got kicked out a few hours later. My sister, knowing nothing about what I’d done just hours ago, woke me wanting to catch a ride to my moms house, she had left her moped there the night before, and wanted to go to the beach with friends. My eyes where falling out of my head from sheer exhaustion, and I really didn’t want to drive her anywhere. I eventually got up and went, I didn’t want to explain her what I did the night before, since I knew she was going to be nagging me for information all morning.

I wound up telling my mom and her husband what I did on the ride home. They didn’t believe me, but I told them to check trip counter on the dashboard. 300 something kilometers. Expecting them to be pissed of was probably stupid, they just laughed at me. “Did you get any?” my mom asked, and I just started smiling.

I just got changed trains, got in a pretty decent train with wifi, but I’m not paying for that shit. Luckily there’s an outlet so the mac can get it’s powerjuice. LIstening to Milk Lizard again. Great song.

Got to nicks house and immediately took a train to Østerbro where we hooked up with Eske and his Roommate Rune. They had a crate of beer and was making a great big pot of spaghetti. They had been drinking in the park all day, and where both pretty drunk. Rune was extremely annoying, telling the same stories again and again, but sobered up somewhat during the evening. He played it rock star, and by the end of the night he must have been drinking for close to 20 hours straight. Respect. Eske brought out some pot. Me, Nick and him shared a big joint, and eske crashed and burned. Threw up and fell asleep with all his clothes on. We didn’t bother waking him up, and made another two joints that i shared with Nick. We got so stoned. We’re not regular smokers, and got it good. Nick had the reddest eyes i’ve ever seen.

Around 2/3 ish at night we hailed a cab and got to Heidi’s Beer Bar. It was great fun, we met some old friends there and shared some beer. Apperently I’m the only guy with a taste in beer, none of them approved of my choice of Hoegaarden. Excellent beer. Nick starting drinking rum, and I got my gin on. Every drink had a shot on the side – We didn’t come to dance. The original goal was to pick up chicks, but with the pot and the alcohol fighting in our bodies there was just no way to talk anybody up. We ditched the place when the bad music got to us, and got down to The Rock instead. Great place, great music, absolutely zero girls. We didn’t care. I don’t recall much of the time we spent there, so I’m guessing we had fun.

We then walked to a shitty little bar called The Moose, I was whining that I new a place that was good and cheap, but Nick insisted we’d go to his place instead. Turned out that my bar, and his were neighbors. We laughed and went in, the place was packed. We grabbed a beer and had to stand right in the middle of the place. I got pushed around a lot by people trying to find open spots, and we finally called it quits and went home.

I woke up with a great sense of panic. Where the hell am I? How did I get here? Got my glasses on and realized I had crashed in Claus’ — Nicks roommate — couch. Immediately after realizing I fell asleep again. I was thrashed, having been on a 12 hour bender the night before, sleeping for 5 hours only to get up and clean the apartment, wash and dry my clothes and packing my stuff to get here. Nick woke me up an hour later and we went shopping for beer and breakfast.

Our bodies had to rest, and we watched some comedy and a John Mayer concert, we’re both huge fans.

Andreas showed up at around 18, by then we’d moved down into the basement to play fuss ball, pool and darts — and was 4 beers in. We were doing great.

Some people I didn’t know showed up, Claus and his girlfriend was there, Thomas was there too, another roommate of Nick. We got pretty drunk and danced around to whatever the stereo was playing. It was great fun. At around 23 we hopped on a train bound for central Copenhagen. 4 guys, 0 tickets. We decided to split up and pretend we were sleeping. The cunning plan worked, and we managed to dodge two ticket checkers for half an hour. We were feeling pretty cunning. Hardened criminals.

We went back to Heidi’s Beer Bar and trying to sarge chicks. Nick had promised to take the lead on this, but didn’t deliver. When we finally decided to give up and just talk about the good ol’ days, Nick actually managed to pick up someone. Me and Andreas was out smoking, and when we came back Nick was dancing away with this girl.

We left Nick at the bar and texted him. “We’re going to the rock, didn’t want to cockblock. Call us if you fuck it up.”

It was Andreas’ first time at the rock, and they were playing death metal. He didn’t approve, but reasoned it was better than the crap at Heidi’s. We ordered a pair of beers, and 6 shots. By the time we got through it, I had to take a piss. On the way to the toilet I met Nick who had a drunk girls phone number and a mood to celebrate. He handed me his Visa card and i got us three beers and twelve shots. I felt impervious to alcohol, and was about to learn I’m not. Andreas got us more shots, and we talked to some guy from færørene . He complimented us on our ability to speak danish, I guess because we don’t have the local accent. I thought it rather amusing to be complimented on my ability to speak my native tongue but I wasn’t about to reject the compliment. He said he wanted to get us beers and went downstairs, never to return. I was too drunk to care, besides – He didn’t owe us a thing. Sure was a weird exit though. Andreas got us more shots, and I was fucking wasted by now. We called it quits and made our way to McDonald’s. I had to lean on my friends to get there, I was shitfaced. We ate, and took a cab back home to Nicks house. I crashed on the couch in the basement, got up and threw up, went back to the couch and blacked out — completely oblivious to Nick and Andreas playing music and pool right next to me. I was beat, third day in a row out drinking, and I had no idea how much i drank, only that I had been winning the count against Nick since Heidi’s.

Nick woke us up at around 5:30 in the evening today, and I had no intention of staying longer than I had to. We jumped the first train and traveled home.

When Andreas got of to change trains I called LInda. She sounds like she misses me. Luckily she’s at her parents house. I don’t think it would be a great idea if I’d went to her house tonight. I’d probably end up spending the night, and then I’d screw things up with Pernille, and I’m sure neither June or Kenneth would approve. Monday is going to be crazy. If Pernille doesn’t want anything to do with me, I’ll probably go visit Linda. Hopefully Kenneth has the sense to stop me, but I don’t know how well he’ll be able to handle that. Interesting times.

P.S. I’m not even hung over. It’s awesome being me. I am hungry though.

I talked to both Kenneth and June about my crush on Pernille. They both agreed that I’m an idiot and that I shouldn’t gamble with the integrity of the group. I started crying. I have never ever cried in front of friends before. I have no idea what happened, maybe I’m actually in love and the prospect of me not gettin any chance to do anything about it was too much for me. Maybe Im getting old and sentimental. Maybe I just never had friends i trust this much before. Those guys tell me everything, and I feel like i owe it to our friendship to return that trust. I wish i had a journal from when i was 16. I’m more like a teenager each day now.

After the carnival we when downtown to grab a few beers at a great scottish bar. She seemed excited when i brought her a belgian wheat beer. It was great. I didn’t think to add that it was 14% alcohol. I just really like that beer. She didn’t seem upset when i told her. Then it happened. I spilled my beans. Told her everything.

Told her I had sex with Jill, and I regretted it. I don’t know if I truly regret it, but it’s not going to happen again. She’s the one i want, and she was the one i wanted back then too. I talked to June about it then, and she thought i could have had her. I hate it when it’s my smaller head that does the thinking. I was about to justify it – but there’s no point. I did what i did, and I won’t do it again. It might have cost me my chance with Pernille though. If my experience with smart, pretty shy girls isn’t screwing me on this, I think i might still have a shot. I’m writing this on the way to Nicks house. The time is 17:21, and the train is due for 19:05. 4 fucking hours in this shit hole. Hopefully this will be a great weekend after all. I’m meeting my old pals from business school. It’s gonna be great fun. I can’t decide wether or not to try out this sharking thing. I definitely need to get some soon. Linda’s ignoring me, luckily. I don’t think i can handle the drama that could result in. I know she’s back from New York but I’ve heard nothing. Hopefully this thing with Pernille turns out exactly the way I imagine it. Most of the time it does. Well.. I’m living in Herning… That wasn’t part of the plan. Thank god I’m having so much fun. I’m been thinking about fleeing the country. Just packing my shit and go live somewhere else. This country is taking a turn for the worse every day anyway. New Prime Minister that was given the job, the media has completely ignored the most important trial this millennium, and I’m living in town half the size of my hometown, who I used to curse for it’s village like size. If I only had the balls to say Screw you guys, I’m gone. Hello London, you’re a screwed up place but atleast you have more entertainment. Fuck the english and their fascist ways, CCTV my ass. Insert Benjamin Franklin’s quote about liberty/safety/neither here. I won’t quote a man if I can’t get it right.

I feel rather bad about dropping the bombshell like that on Pernille. A small part of me hopes she fucked some guy yesterday. I’m a manipulative bastard, and sometimes I can’t look myself in the mirror. It just seems so easy to say the right thing sometimes. But 5 years later I’m bloody useless, and can’t be arsed to do anything. At all. No wonder Linda’s ignoring me. Fucking smart girls. They’re lucky I can’t stand the dumb ones.

Maybe that’s just what I need tonight. A girl who’s just plain stupid. I don’t know. My lines won’t work if they can’t follow the rhetoric. Unfortunately, not many can. I’ll probably just go insane. They’re usually really nice people, but they bring nothing to the table. Fuck that shit, I’m smart and I’m good looking. Why the hell do I have trouble making first contact? Is it that obvious I’m a negligent bastard narcissist? Worked out fine for Christian Bale. He was a sociopath too, might be the missing ingredient.

I forgot to get that link to Mox. And I still need to call Martin Knudsen about the website. And i need to finish it. Fuck me. Maybe i should just do a Hunter Thompson. Keep writing and push every deadline until I feel I’ve had enough pussy and blow my brains right out of my skull. Barrel in mouth style, definitely. And with a noose around my neck as well. So even if I fucking it up I’ll get hanged. If I’m ever committing suicide, I’m gonna do it right. Maybe over the top like that video that norwegian kid made? Hmm. Would make a coroner busy. And probably laugh too. Cause of death? Well pick one. Don’t know? It’s a tough one. What will actually kill you dead, if you’re using 10 techniques at once? Hell, I could make it onto one of the science shows. Probably not, TV executives are pussies and wouldn’t dare touch a case like that. No the american ones anyway, but thinking about it – That’s okay, the shows always seemed overdramatic to me. And they go to great lengths to explain the simplest things, we get it. The seven year old got it. Tell it one more time and the dog got it too. Jesus. Lowest common denominator. Darwin fails when nobody gets to die. It’s illegal to kill yourself, and it’s illegal to help someone kill themselves.

I’m so glad I moved in with Kenneth. We’re having a lot of fun. I was worried that I’d get sick of it by now, and I have to admit, it does feel good to get away for a bit. But it’s a learning experience, I was always a little too much of a shut-in, even though i could hide it well. If I had it my way I’d have a large, dark apartment full of books and hard drives, with a projector in the middle. Right now we have computers, a lot of em, an old TV and a bed we share. Two chairs and only enough tables to hold the hardware. It’s nice.

Spending too much thought on that girl.

Getting one-itis. You know the cure for that. Go.